Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I skipped work to stalk him.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
