I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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