Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
