i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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