My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
