I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
