you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
