literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
