She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
this will be a night to untag.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
