Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
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