Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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