It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
