eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
