I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She told me I should be a condom model.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
