Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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