sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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