You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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