i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
