Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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