my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
