just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
