someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
