ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
