OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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