she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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