it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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