Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
