literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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