I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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