i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
even my farts smell like vagina
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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