you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
