none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
