i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
