you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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