farters have to be the big spoon...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
