I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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