RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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