it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
