they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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