Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
