You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
