i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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