i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
