as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Come share oat with me in your robe
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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