He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Congratulations! We have a period
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
