yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
