I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
