everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
