Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
