ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
